Newton in romantic mood

Universal law:

"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer
from
One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "


First law:

"A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl
in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless
any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
break the legs of the boy. "


Second law:

"The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance. "



Third law:

"The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and
opposite to the force applied by the girl while slap.

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Never go to HR department for asking salary raise

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to His HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying. My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.

The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366

Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours

Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.

Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)

Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)

Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir


Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days

Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.

Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days

Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!

Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!



Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!

Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realize that I was stealing Company money all these days.

Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR = HIGH RISK

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MBA Vs BE Student

A MBA and a BE go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and fell asleep.

Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend. "
look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of
galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.

"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".

Moral:

" ENGINEERING = 100% COMMON SENSE"

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Installing Husband 1.0

INSTALLING HUSBAND 1.0
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed adistinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such asRomance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0 . and Golf Clubs 4.1.Conversation 8.0 nolonger runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've triedrunning Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

=========================
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, whileHusband1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.htm" and try todownload Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should thenautomaticallyrun the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, over use ofthe above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that willdownload the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in thebackground, that will eventually seize control of all your systemresources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These areunsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memoryand cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory andperformance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0

Good Luck,
Tech Support

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Love at first sight

Anybody can explain what love at first sight is? I know that is tough to define.
Exact picture is given below.

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Presence of mind - DONT MISS AT ALL

In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter. The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg. So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter". To his surprise, the customer was standing behind him. So the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half!!!!!!".

After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from?". To this the boy said, "I come from Mexico . The place consists of only prostitutes and football players!!!!!".

The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Mexico ".

To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?"

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Learning to speak English - Too funny

This is a story from the Japanese Embassy in US !
A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversationtraining before he visits Washington and meets president Bill Clinton.The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you shake hand withPresident Clinton, please say 'how are you'.

Then Mr. Clinton should say,” I am fine, and you?" Now you should say 'metoo'. Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you." Itlooks quite simple, but the truth is.... When Mori met Clinton , hemistakenly said "Who Are You?". Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but stillmanaged to react with humor: "Well, I am Hillary's husband, Then Mori replied confidently "Me too, hahaha.........."
Then there was a long silence in the meeting room, nobody knew what todo !

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Fun by miscommunication - A Chinese Call center

A Chinese Call center

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this? Caller: I'm Sam Wan .. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone ! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree ..
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..
Caller: Oh .....God....... Good Wan! (Good One! )

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Love marriage vs. Arranged marriage

Just for fun:

Love Marriage
Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.
Arranged Marriage
Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.

Love Marriage
It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.
Arranged Marriage
Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible

Love Marriage
Family system hangs because hardware (called parents) is not responding.
Arranged Marriage
Compatible with hardware (Parents).

Love Marriage
You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.
Arranged Marriage
You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.

Love Marriage
Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.
Arranged Marriage
All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.

Love Marriage
Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.
Arranged Marriage
Product is sold on an as is where is basis. Product once sold will not be taken back!

Love Marriage
Love Marriage is like Windows, beautiful n seductive.... Yet one never knows when it will crash....
Arranged Marriage
Arranged Marriage is like Unix... boring n colorless... still extremely reliable n robust.

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