Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerous

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers: " Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

The husband laughs and says: " An Italian girl!!!"

The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up at the airport and asks:

"So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good, thank you."

"And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?" She asked.

"The one I asked for - an Italian girl !!"

"Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl!!!"

Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerous !

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MBA Vs BE Student

A MBA and a BE go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and fell asleep.

Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend. "
look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of
galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.

"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".

Moral:

" ENGINEERING = 100% COMMON SENSE"

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Installing Husband 1.0

INSTALLING HUSBAND 1.0
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed adistinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such asRomance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0 . and Golf Clubs 4.1.Conversation 8.0 nolonger runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've triedrunning Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

=========================
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, whileHusband1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.htm" and try todownload Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should thenautomaticallyrun the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, over use ofthe above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that willdownload the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in thebackground, that will eventually seize control of all your systemresources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These areunsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memoryand cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory andperformance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0

Good Luck,
Tech Support

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Love at first sight

Anybody can explain what love at first sight is? I know that is tough to define.
Exact picture is given below.

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Top most Expensive Mobile Phones in the World

Top 5 Most Expensive Mobile Phones in the World Until recently, the vast majority of mobile phones had been priced between £100 and £300, with only Vertu, a division of Nokia , manufacturing uber-premium phones. With prices starting at around £4,000 Vertu phones are only for the filthy rich, and the super famous.

However, Vertu's monopoly of the luxury phone market is coming to an end with the launch of several new luxury mobile makers, including Gresso, Mobiado and GoldVish. Other mobile phone manufacturers are also partnering with luxury brands to produce a range of premium mobile phones, such as LG and Prada , D&G and Motorola, and now Tag Heuer and Modelabs. Finally, there are the ridiculous, super-expensive one-offs, made purely for headline grabbing, such as Goldvish's "Le million", worth a cool $1,000,000, see below for details!

1. Goldvish "Le million" = $1,000,000 (£540,540)

2. Vertu Signature Cobra = $310,000 (£167,567)

Vertu is now taking orders for the Signature Cobra, designed by French jeweler Boucheron, but you had better be quick as only 8 are being made! The Cobra will feature one pear-cut diamond, one round white diamond, two emerald eyes and 439 rubies. Vertu will also be offering a "cheaper" version, ruby free, at $115,000 (£62,162).

3. Sony Ericsson Black Diamond = $300,000 (£162,162)

Apparently the Black Diamond will be available in 2007, not from Sony Ericsson but by a company called VIPN. Initially only 5 unique numered pieces will be available for the unbelievable price of, wait for it $300,000.

With regards to the specifications, don't expect anything remarkable for your money. It will have Quad-band with Wi-If, an Intel 400Mhz processor running windows mobile 5, and a touch sensitive 2? Screen. It will also include internal memory of 128mb and will come with a 2Gb SD card for external storage, plus a respectable 4 Megapixel camera. The designer Jaren Goh has used some pretty impressive materials for the build, featuring titane with polycarbonate , mirror-finish cladding and diamonds.

4. Vertu Diamond = $88,000 (£47,567)

The Diamond is Vertu's premium range of high-end mobile phones. As the name suggests the handsets in the Diamond range are diamond-encrusted handsets made from platinum. Only 200 of the handsets are being produced, the most expensive believed to be worth an estimated £50,000.

5. Motorola V220 Special Edition = £28,000 ($51,800)

Austrian designer Peter Aloisson, has taken a standard Motorola, studded it with 1,200 diamonds and added a keyboard inlaid with 18 carat gold. The outcome is a £28,000 handset, suitable only for footballers and film stars!

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Presence of mind - DONT MISS AT ALL

In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter. The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg. So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter". To his surprise, the customer was standing behind him. So the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half!!!!!!".

After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from?". To this the boy said, "I come from Mexico . The place consists of only prostitutes and football players!!!!!".

The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Mexico ".

To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?"

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Have a Nice and pleasant day ahead

Have a Nice and pleasant day ahead

TREAT EVERYONE WITH POLITENESS

EVEN THOSE WHO ARE RUDE TO YOU,

NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT NICE

BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE NICE...

Have a Beautiful Day

And Remember to Smile

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Learning to speak English - Too funny

This is a story from the Japanese Embassy in US !
A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversationtraining before he visits Washington and meets president Bill Clinton.The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you shake hand withPresident Clinton, please say 'how are you'.

Then Mr. Clinton should say,” I am fine, and you?" Now you should say 'metoo'. Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you." Itlooks quite simple, but the truth is.... When Mori met Clinton , hemistakenly said "Who Are You?". Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but stillmanaged to react with humor: "Well, I am Hillary's husband, Then Mori replied confidently "Me too, hahaha.........."
Then there was a long silence in the meeting room, nobody knew what todo !

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Too good thoughts on Love and Friendship

Tomorrow can be too late - Too good thoughts on Love and Friendship

1) If you're mad with someone and nobody's there to fix the situation... You fix it. Maybe today, that person still wants to be your friend. And if u doesn't, tomorrow can be too late.

2) If you're in love with somebody, but that person doesn't know...tell her/him. Maybe today, that person is also in love with you. And if you don't say it, tomorrow can be too late.

3) If you still love a person that you think has forgotten you...tell her/him. Maybe that person has always lovedyou. And if you don't tell her/him today, tomorrow can be toolate.

4) If you need a hug of a friend... ask her/him for it.
Maybe they need it more than you do. And if you don't ask for it today, tomorrow can be too late.

5) If you really have friends who you appreciate... tell them. Maybe they appreciate you as well. That if you don't and they leave or go far away today, tomorrow can be too late.

6) If you love your parents, and never had the chance to show them... do it.. Maybe you have them there to show them how you feel. That if you don't and they leave today, and then tomorrow can be too late.

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Joke of the day

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered,
"Hello?"

"Is your Daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again, the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked the child, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the firemen," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"


"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle

"Me."

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Fun by miscommunication - A Chinese Call center

A Chinese Call center

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this? Caller: I'm Sam Wan .. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone ! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree ..
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..
Caller: Oh .....God....... Good Wan! (Good One! )

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